Murky threats, missing limbs and muddled Aadhaar links

Imma gonna find ma finger prinz 
Pic credit; Google images

So guys, the Indian political scenario today, which looks like ‘A tragicomic adaptation of Orwell’s 1984’ and feels like ‘Gemini Circus gone berserk: Story of a frenzied elephant in the room’, is to say the least bit, umm, interesting.. I mean, very interesting. I mean, verrry, verry, interesting. 

During a public rally recently, Bihar's BJP chief declared that any hand/finger raised against Modi should be chopped off. Some other leaders have recently placed their claims on people's heads and noses. So basically, there’s no guarantee that our body parts will remain linked to the body anymore...  

So, here's my question: Then why the hell are we still losing our shit over linking biometrics to Aadhaar and linking Aadhaar to everything else in life?!!!

Seriously, the entire country today is in the same state as Nearly-Headless-Nick. In fact, we are just one tweet or film away from turning completely headless.

Please guys, let's take a moment here to think of the ensuing situation. Our government hospitals as it is have shortage of doctors. And us Mango People, as it is have shortage of money to even think of private hospitals. So we're likely to land in a sarkaari hospital carrying whatever body parts we can gather. You’ll most probably meet an overworked, underpaid, sleep deprived, weekly off deprived, girl friend/boy friend deprived, Padmavati movie controversy-deprived house surgeon who couldn’t care less about your missing limbs. Rest assured, floating heads will be resting on wrong bodies, noses will be mismatched and neatly pedicured fingers will land on hairy hands.

Here at this very point, I ask you to take another moment, guys. To think of the bigger tragedy that would follow. Can you imagine the havoc this would cause in the life of India's Aadhaar man, Mr Nilekani? Poor man spent years putting together the unique ID project. After much effort, the government too had finally succeeded in blackmailing, sorry, convincing people to link Aadhaar to almost everything. He thought his job was done.

He must have been thinking, “Ok now that I am done fixing Aadhaar, let me go fix Infosys.” But hell, no! With people's heads, noses, fingers and limbs in general being at a risk of going missing, he might have to start all over again trying to fix mismatched biometrics. And that only means one thing guys. Without the Aadhaar man by his side, the country's IT man Mr Narayana Murthy will lose his composure all over again. The last time this happened, one person packed his bags and left the country. You know who. Seriously, it's a house of cards.

In any case of eventuality, I just want to say this in advance: “Dear Mr Nilekani, we’re sorry we lost our biometrics.”

Meanwhile, ever since the Surpanaka threat to Deepika Padukone, I have been a bit concerned about myself. I'm heading towards the mirror right now to check if my extraordinarily long nose needs a trim. How does one go about getting one's nose trimmed? A saw or a kitchen knife? Or may be just make a film and wait for things to unfold.